HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
