Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
