$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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