I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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