so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
