Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
