Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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