what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
