community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
