apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
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think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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