She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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