i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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