Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
