Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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