We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
