Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
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it was like having sex with a tree stump
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
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SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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