im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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