He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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