Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So vagazzling was a success
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
