So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
