he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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