in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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