I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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