so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
