Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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