I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
