i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
