hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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