We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
