also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
