he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
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Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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