well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
