remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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