Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
