you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
