It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
