Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
