It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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