So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
