I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
