There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
