i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
