So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Too much gin, very little bucket
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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