so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
