Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
