a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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