my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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