Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
