hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
