grandma shit on top of the toilet
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
