When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
