ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
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