I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
