you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
