Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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