I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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