just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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