I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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