babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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