You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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