literally had 100 drinks last night.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
