yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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