I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
