May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
