I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
