He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
