The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
