using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
